So yeah. I Should be...

Blogging about my weight loss on my weight loss journal, but the lack of actual readers will probably prevent that. However, on the weight loss front, I did manage somehow to lose a size without losing any weight /baffle/. I did sign up for a 4 month membership at my gym (FREE GUESTS, if you wanna come!). It starts May 1st, which of course I won't be back until the 3rd. I have a free appointment with the Personal Trainer at 1030am on the 4th. Seriously, Aprill needs to get on track.

I'm so sick of shopping and crying because those cute pants, or that cute shirt don't fit. Fashion eludes me. I'm down to black shirts and baggy pants. Ah, well it will all work out in good time. I did so many errands today, I did forget one, but my car will yell at me when it's more thirsty. I also spent 200 before 5pm, which is really really hard for me. The 9 dollars I spent on makeup seems frivolous, which is silly. I'm allowed to spend money on myself damn it. See, internal struggle over minor things for myself even. I did however find pants for the trip and two shirts(on clearance), which I'm not mad at myself over, because it'd be nice to have a pair of pants my thunder thighs haven't ruined.

You ever talk a lot without saying much? I just did :) You love me though!!


~Random Thoughts by AYA~

Real friends and Real Life.

I'm the kind of person that is always there for you, no how many times you screw me over, I still have this compassion for you. So am I surprised that only 3 people cared enough to check on me during my Louisiana trip? Not really, however, it does suck. Soon I'll be working and going to school and living my life for me, and not for anyone else. I may not answer your calls pleading for advice on situation that you already know how to resolve but want "my opinion" on. I realized on this trip a few more things about myself. I'm a people please, with a big mouth of course, but ultimately I want to please everyone around me. Coming back home, and realizing just how much I do, is hard on me, because now that there is a cycle there, I'm going to have to break it. School will come first over simple things like laundry and dishes. I'll probably end up hiring someone to clean up the house because I'll have no time.

Btw, Aprill+beer+shots+bunch of old guys= Aprill realizing how little she's done to accomplish things and be herself.

Aunt Theresa.

She has passed away yesterday morning. Something that's never easy for a family to handle. I have this sinking feeling in my heart. I can't explain it, nothing to do with the funeral. Just an overwhelming sense that if I leave for this trip everything will change, and not in a positive way. My friends know my intuition is really powerful....ugh. Overwhelming.

Today was Busy.

Busy Busy. It's all good. I'm really trying hard to not stress out :) Hopefully it will all work out.

Confusion.

So I thought I knew, but I had no idea. I'm just ugh.

Mind. Won't. Shut. UP. The thoughts come and go again. I wish it would just stop.

Drunk fighting.

It happened again. Except this time, we actually worked it out. Those root of the problems instead of the facade that was taking place. We both said what we were really thinking and I sent some nasty texts. (Not to my love but still). This is why Aprill doesn't drink lol. I did have thoughts again out of my control of suicide which makes me cringe and cry. I hate thinking like that, and feeling like I have no control over the thoughts. I'm not miserable or hating my life...so I don't understand. Hopefully when I get some help, medicine can help :) I don't want to be the drama in anyone's life.

*hugs* I love my friends!

TGIF- Good Friday.

Blah No confession this week. It's probably for the best. I can't promise to try to stop the things I'm doing right now that are sinful. I even broke my own lent this year. Which is terrible. However, I've come to realize that somethings about me are just me. Some are habitual and can be broken, however, for the most part....This is me. SO yeah. There it is. My truth.

Anyway, I kicked ass on the writing portion. It was about whether or not taking a second job is harmful or a benefit. I'll let you guess which one I picked. :) I have to take like introduction to college math this summer, which is actually quite hilarious for me. I suck at math pretty bad so :) Yeah.

Having a mini=party tonight. Might just be me, B and one other..or rather I'm hoping at least that the "other" is coming. Don't ask why. I'd rock your world :)

It's only 11am :)

Okay so really it's almost noon, but I went to bed around 5am. So bare with me and my appreciation for the thing things like not having to rush to my test. I'm really nervous about it. I'm not a good tester and I know that's what college all is for the most part. I know I can do it, and this is just an assessment. If I could control my mind like that, I would reassure it lol. Let's hope I don't use LOL or ROFL or OMG on my assessment paper, that would a real story for the books. Well I'm off to shower and stuff. I'll prolly do some cardio later. Although.... I'd prolly sweat pink since I reapplied it to my hair last night.

Ugh why am I physcho babbling like anyone cares!?!?!?!?! LOL! Text me :) Random thoughts of Melissa and wondering how shes doing, I'll text her today.

Sending love your way,

Aprill

Grapenuts and yogurt.

I'm eating them. They are delicious. This week has been about self discovery. My lack of schedule, my lack of motivation, and my lack of weight loss. All stem around one thing. I'm lazy. When did it happen that I got so caught up in other stuff, and pleasing other people that I forgot to take care of myself. I've barely even been putting on makeup. Not that I "need" to, it's the point that I don't even bother to. Anyway, a lot of family drama, don't really want it either, but they're family. Sometimes I just want to sit in a dark room for a long while and hope that some people forget I exist. No, I don't want to die, nothing that morbid. I just need some time to work on me, and work on the person I want to become. Hockey season is even almost over, besides the playoffs, in which the Stars are not apart of. So, before I run off another obsessive streak to avoid working on the things that bother me so, its time to sit on the couch and say, How does that make me feel.

Interruptions of thought brought to you by the letters:
AYA